I have a received a few “raised eyebrows” comments about my statement that people don’t listen. A manager said to me:
“My people do listen to me”.
Do they? Or are you just lucky?
As a young manager I used to think that what I said mattered. But it did not. Sometimes it looked like it did: the team members already agreed with me – hence they ended up doing it. It was luck.
That is why I developed a strong affinity for asking clarifying questions: If I can discover what a person is really thinking about a given task, at least I now know what they plan to do. Then, if I don’t agree, I have at least a fighting chance of discussing it.
I have developed a golden rule:
When it comes to doing the work, what I say most likely won’t matter. Only what the team member thinks will matter.
Most engineering managers eventually discover that they are not Lords and Masters. They cannot tell people what to think.
Don’t get me wrong – managers have authority. They tell people “what task” do to. They may set the general approach of how a task will be done. They can hire. Sometimes they can fire – so they can carry a big stick.
But even a big stick cannot force people to think like we want them to.
And when your team members are knowledge workers who must think to do their work, it follows that you cannot tell them what to do.
This can be frustrating. What’s a manager to do, when the project is late, over-budget, the client is coming next week – and it’s still not working because the team member is not getting “it” ? (it being what you think needs to be done – of course)
A good friend of mine, a psychologist who works with CEO’s, Sport Pros, National League Coaches and the like, told me:
When you see a coach, or a leader get very upset, and start screaming, it’s usually a sign that he has tried everything he knows. He just doesn’t know what else to do at that moment.
I have been there. Time is running out, and I realize I can’t make people think like I do. I’m stuck – and I want to scream to make something happen (which it won’t).
My advice? Don’t let it get to that point. Recognize that you can’t force someone to think like you. Don’t assume that because you told then what to do at the kick-off meeting, it will happen that way.
Instead, ask questions to discover what they are thinking. Then – and only then – might you be able to bring them around to your way of thinking.
Good thought.